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Comedy set1

My god you can tell winters upon us I bent over to pick the milk off the doorstep and a penguin bit my arse. I'ts that cold this morning, on the way to the shops I had to snap a dog off a lamp post.
Christmas is just around the corner and it always brings back childhood memories for me of all the family sitting round the log fire and if it got too cold we'd light it!
Yes we would all huddle round the fireplace with a copy of the Bible, well a big thick book like that burns for hours!
My parants couldnt afford to buy me much for christmas when I was young, if it wasnt for the fact of me being a litle boy I would have had nothing to play with.
I remember one year they saved up and bought me a bat and ball, I played with the ball everywhere but the bat was useless, all it would do is hang upside down in the airing cupboard.
Well whats happening in England right now, well the story that is dominating the headlines is about this serial killer 'the Ipswich ripper'.
What is the differnce betwen Mr kipling and the Ipswich ripper? Well Mr Kipling puts 6 tarts ina box!
Have you heard about the dyslexic Santa in Suffolk- he keeps putting prozzies under trees!
I heard the police are looking for leads.Well if they got themselves down Portman road last Saturday at 3pm for the match they would have found Leeds.They could have wrapped the case up there and then.
The Mothers of all the 5 murdered prostitutes have all said the same thing that they knew their Daughters were into prostitution and hard drugs but they always believed that one day they would meet Mr Wright!
Something I was reading in one of the daily newspapers apparantly they have done a sex survey and 60% of women asked said that their cunt itched after sex. I thought I will ask my Mother.I said "Mother, does your cunt itch after sex? she said "no he just rolls over and falls asleep".